It Just Doesn't Pass the Bully Deterrent Test
Posted: Friday, March 19, 2010
by Terry Mitchell
http://commenterry.blogs.com
Among the world's biggest lies that I have not addressed yet is the notion that hurtful words are just as harmful as physical violence. This has become a fashionable thing to say over the last decade, but it is simply not true. How I can be so sure? Well, it just doesn't pass what I call the "bully deterrent test."
Suppose you had a 10-year-old son who was being physically attacked by two different bullies at school. Let's also suppose that both bullies were of equal stature, strength, and meanness. If, in response to the first bully, your son decided to stand up to him and subsequently "kicked his butt" (to use the colloquial phrase here), I'll lay odds that this particular bully would not mess with him again. Now, let's suppose that your son decided to respond to the second bully using some hurtful words against him. Do you think that bully is going say something like, "I'm not going to mess with that kid again because I fear that he might use those hurtful words against me again"? Somehow I doubt it. Why? Because words just don't have the same effect as a good beating.
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Top-level comments on this article: (4 total)The pen and the mouth are mightier than the sword- It all depends on who you are dealing with tho- Food for thought Terry- Always-EllaElla, thanks for reading and commenting. Still, though, I'm more afraid of beatings and swords than of words.
Great article. Well done.Excellent point. I completely agree with you on this one.Connor, thanks for the compliment. I'm glad we agree on something at least once in a blue moon. :-)
Good article, Terry. As someone who has put several kids through the public schools (as still is), this pushes some buttons with me. I agree that there are some bullies that nothing stops except fighting back. We've taught our kids to start with the "system", tell them to stop, get the adults involved,etc, but if that doesn't work then there is no glory in just letting the other guy take you down. Go ahead and fight back.
It's also true that there are bullies who are only verbal. They can harass, intimidate and terrorize a more sensitive child without ever laying a hand on them. They can make a child's life a living hell. They are harder to stop and harder to catch. It takes the trifecta of faculty intervention, parental support AND the child standing up for themselves and learning to throw off the words to stop it.Jean, I'm glad you found the article interesting. Thanks for adding your input to the topic.
'You're a fool' said the veteran, 'What if someone had wiped out all the Buddhists in the world and you were the last one left. Would you not try to kill the person who was trying to kill you, and in doing so save Buddhism?' Thich Nhat Hanh answered patiently, 'It would be better to let him kill me. If there is any truth to Buddhism and the Dharma. It will not disappear from the face of the earth, but will reappear when seekers of truth are ready to rediscover it. 'In killing I would be betraying and abandoning the very teachings I would be seeking to preserve. So it would be better to let him kill me and remain true to the spirit of the Dharma.'
Hatred will not cease by hatred, but by love alone. This is the ancient law. (Buddha)
All fear violence, all are afraid of death. Seeing the similarity to oneself, one should not use violence or have it used. (Buddha)
Looking for peace is like looking for a turtle with a moustache. You won't be able to find it. But when your heart is ready, it will come looking for you.
(Ajahn Chah)"Turn the other cheek." (Jesus)
E., thanks for the interesting quotes, although I'm left a little confused as to what your point is.Hi Terry, sorry. What I meant was that "Kicking someone's butt" always has repercussions, especially these days when kids, (or their friends and relatives) carry weapons.
Best......eOh, I completely agree with you on that. But that wasn't the point the of the article. My point was to show that, although words can be hurtful, most people (including myself) are more afraid of physical violence that of words. That causes me to doubt that words really hurt people more that violence does, as some people claim to believe.Sorry Terry, I missed your point, and it is a good one! I agree with you 100%. Thanks,Best......e
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